25: Searching

I am utterly lost and purposeless here in this place. where the emptiness is so great that I inhale way too much air to try to fill in the gaping endless hole inside me. It is never enough. I am never enough. I am so tired. There is no rest for me. There is just endless daily task to complete, endless mundane work and frustration of not being able to interact or achieve. Because I am not supposed to. Everyday I sit on the edge of sanity and wonder how deep the fall will be this time. I toy with the idea because it is the only thing that makes me feel vaguely alive in this fucking place. I am so tired. I need human contact, I need someone to hold my hand, someone to look me in the eye and say I will be fine. Someone who will be with me when I have nothing else to say because I am only an empty person. So very empty inside that it's painful. Don't you see? Everyday I struggle to be just like you.